"Unexpected Love" Chapter 10

Here's chapter 10! I know it's been a long time coming.- Makka (Waiting For Love).

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I sit on Amber’s bed crying softly. I’ve just told her what happened between me and Ronnie.

“I knew something like this would happen”, Amber shakes her head solemnly. “See?! I knew you should have just gone out with him.”

My head snaps up quickly, “W-What are you talking about?! You think I should have dated the guy that just tried to rape me!”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘rape’ Marva. I mean Ronnie’s been trying to get with you for so long and he just couldn’t take it anymore. You pushed him over the edge.”

“So you’re saying this is my fault?!” I ask in disbelief. My head is swimming in confusion. I can’t believe I’m hearing this come from my best friend’s mouth!

“I’m saying this little tumble you guys had wouldn’t have happened if you had just played the game!”

“WHAT FUCKING GAME?!” I jump up off the bed screaming at her.

“This game called high school, Marva! I’ve sat back and watched you fuck up what you had!” Amber screams back.

“And what did I have?”

“Everything! You had this entire school at your damn feet. And you acted like it wasn’t that important! You wanted to fuck around with losers like Rick Collins. You didn’t deserve it!”

Amber pauses as she breathes heavily. I stand looking at her in complete shock!

“I deserved it”, she says softly. “I deserved the popularity. I would have fucked Ronnie, while still dating Lamar if that’s what I had to do.”

“Who are you?” I ask shaking my head as tears fall rapidly down my face.

Amber gives me a cold look with clear envy and disdain hidden beneath it. “Amber. Bitch. It’s me Amber, your best friend.

“No! You’re not my best friend. You’re the one that caused me to lose the best thing I ever had.”

“You didn’t deserve Rick anyway”, she says shrugging her shoulders.

“Now you know how it feels to be without what you want the most.” Amber’s eyes continue to drive holes through me. Was the envy always there? How come I never saw it?

“Never speak to me again”, I say softly as I head towards her bedroom door.

“Fine”, she whispers.

“I still love you, Marva”, I hear Amber sob as I quietly close the door behind me.

***~~~***

“Wwwaaaaaahhhhhh! Wwwaaaahhhh!”

My baby sister, Josie starts crying again. I jump up from my bed and run into her room. She lay in her crib, fidgeting around as she cries loudly.

“Ssh” I coo to her softly as I pick her up in my arms and rock her gently. “Ssh. Mommy will be home soon.”

Just as I say those words I hear Mom’s car pull into the driveway. I continue to cradle Josie in my arms as her cries begin to minimize and are replaced with sighing gasps. When I hear Mom enter the front door I make my way downstairs with Josie.

“How is she?” Mom asks eyeing Josie with concern.

“She’s okay now. She was crying a few minutes ago but now she feels better”, I say as Josie now rests quietly in my arms.

Mom reaches over and gently takes Josie into her warm, waiting arms. “What time do you have to be at work?”

I stretch my arms as I yawn, “In about an hour. I’m going to start getting ready now.”

Mom nods her head as she smiles warmly at me.

“Marva, you’re such a young girl. You still have the time to be anything you want to be.”

“I know, Mom. But I’m not too young to know that the world is a cold place”, I say matter-of-factly.

“You experience the world through the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with cold people and the world will be cold. Surround yourself with warm people and it will be warm. You catch my drift?”

“Yes.”

“Good”, Mom states.

As I carefully fold jeans I think of what Mom said to me earlier. I still had my dreams and only graduated from high school a year ago. But I had to earn a living; I didn’t want to live with my parents for the rest of my life. I was working at H&M and saving up for my own apartment. My next paycheck would finish covering move in costs. I didn’t know where the apartment would be, except that it would be in Philadelphia.

My parents were supportive, but kept stressing that I find some kind of school. My dad even gave me a brochure for a dance school called DIOP. I knew they were desperate if they were encouraging a dance education. Mom even said whatever school I went to they would gladly foot the bill.

I was hesitant but I decided to take a chance. The past year had been rough. I had lost all of my friends after the incident with Ronnie and fall out with Amber. I voluntarily separated myself from everyone. The remaining two weeks of high school I tried to make myself invisible, even though I heard about Ronnie bragging about what an awesome fuck I was to his teammates.

I had to endure girls coming up to me and begging me to tell them how Ronnie was in bed. I had to keep from crying every time a dizzy bitch would bring it up. I never told anyone what happened between me and Ronnie except Amber. After her reaction I thought it best to keep quiet. I wanted it all to end quickly so telling my parents would be out of the question.

Ronnie made it his mission to make me feel as uncomfortable as he could. He would rub up against me when he walked by. Caress my face in the hallway to the whistles of passersby. I would smack his hand away or try to ignore his dirty words but he made the remainder of high school unbearable.

Lamar was the only one who comforted me. I remember his kind words clearly.

“Amber told me what happened, Marva. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I should have stayed or at least drove you home.” Lamar gave me a warm hug as I cried softly in his shoulder.

“It was my fault”, I sobbed heavily.

Lamar pulled me back and looked deeply into my eyes. “Don’t you dare listen to that shit Amber spewed! Don’t you dare! You understand me?”

“Yes”, I whispered.

“I never wanted to hit a girl before. But when she told me the shit she said to you I wanted to smash her face in. What kind of woman thinks like that?” Lamar said more to himself than to me.

“I guess we never saw the real her”, I said.

“Yeah, I guess not.”

“I’m going to have a talk with Ronnie’s ass though.”

“No”, I cried. “Don’t! I want this to end now. I don’t want anything else coming from this!”

“Marva, if he gets away with this, he’ll do it again!”

“He’ll get his! Lamar, please! Promise me!”

“Okay”, he said reluctantly. “Okay”.

Lamar kept his promise and I am forever grateful to him.

And Rick? Rick ignored me for the rest of the school year. He never spoke one word to me and when he walked past me he would look straight through me. I wanted so badly to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness but something inside me told me it was too late for that. Way too late!

***~~~***

“Marva! If you ever want to become a better dancer, you have to learn to let go”, says my dance instructor Ms. Jilson.

I hated when she called me out in front of the class like that. Here I was working my butt off to impress her, and it still wasn’t good enough.

“Yes, Ma’am”, I reply quietly.

I was in my morning ballet class at DIOP. I had gotten in to the school four months ago and it has been nothing but hard work. We practice everything; ballet, tap, African, jazz, modern, and hip hop.  In the brochure Dad gave me, it said DIOP offered the complete dance education. I see that that was no exaggeration! I have classes 4 days of the week from 8am to 5pm, with an hour lunch break.

The same week I moved to Philadelphia, I tried out for DIOP. The audition was stressful. I had to perform 3 dances consisting of ballet, modern, and jazz. To be honest I really didn’t think I had a shot against the 100 other people auditioning. These people seemed like experts to me. Most of them had much more dance experience than I did. But I guess the judges, Ms. Jilson included, saw something in me because I was one of the lucky 15 to make it into DIOP.

When I told my parents the great news, I can’t even explain the look on their faces. It was an interesting look of relief and happiness. My parents kept their promise and paid what financial aid didn’t cover on tuition, which was about $10,000. I don’t even think it fazed them, they were just happy to see their daughter in school and I was happy to have finally made them proud. It also made me feel good that my baby sister would be able to look up to her big sister, the dancer.

I changed a lot since high school. I kept more to myself nowadays. Those last few weeks of high school burned a hole in my façade. No longer was I Marva Mallory, the “it” girl at Central Bucks. I was just Marva, the quiet dance student working at H&M.

My roommates didn’t really get me but they genuinely liked me. Crystal Brown and Ramona Gold were down to earth chicks, nothing like Amber or Staci. But that was okay with me. I didn’t have to worry about them talking behind my back or cutting me jealous looks when I walked by. To them I was just a reserved girl focused on school and work; they wouldn’t even waste their time asking me to go to a party with them because I would always decline. I met them through my coworker, Joshua at the old H&M. They were looking for a roommate for their downtown apartment. Joshua knew I was planning on moving to Philadelphia and decided to mention me to them. I was a little apprehensive about living with strangers. But after meeting Crystal and Ramona to check out the apartment we ended up going to dinner afterwards. We laughed and talked easily and got to know each other better. Before dinner was over they offered to have me as their roommate and I accepted.

After class I stayed behind while everyone grabbed their belongings to make their way to African class that was next.

“Ms. Jilson, I just wanted to ask you a question?” I say when everyone had left her studio.

“Go ahead”, Ms. Jilson says tersely as she readjusted her bushy ponytail.

“Well, I was just wondering why I was only chosen to be a backup dancer in the play.”

I just had to know why. DIOP was premiering a new play entitled “The Zoot”. It was a dance homage to the music and dance of the twenties and thirties. I auditioned for a dance solo and was confident that I did really well. To my shock I got placed as a backup dancer along with most of my class.

“Ms. Mallory you do realize that we almost always place first year students as backup dancers?” Ms. Jilson asks me with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, but…”

“You thought that you were such an exceptional dancer that you would defy the odds”.

I couldn’t stand the sarcastic smirk that Ms. Jilson wore on her face. So I turn to walk away.

“Marva let me tell you. You’re not that good a dancer. When you finally realize that, a space can be opened for a more worthy student. Anyway, I hear the community college is still accepting applications.”

I didn’t respond. I just keep walking until I was out of the studio. Why was I always surrounded by people who seemed to wish the worst for me? Was it karma for the way I had treated people? It probably was. Whatever it was it had to stop! I was making an effort at repentance in this stage in my life and I wasn’t going to let poisonous people maintain a presence in it! In spite of a nagging feeling I turn around and storm back into Ms. Jilson’s studio.

“One day!! You’ll be begging me to headline one of your shitty plays”, I cry.

Before Ms. Jilson could wipe off the stunned expression on her face, I storm back out of her studio. I haven’t even made it to the end of the deserted corridor before I break down in tears.

***~~~***

I close my laptop and get up from my desk. I had just finished reading the article that Lamar had emailed me. There was no subject in the email just Lamar’s yahoo address. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. Ronnie’s football career was over! He had broken his spine while playing and barely escaped paralysis. I knew Ronnie felt like his life was over. All he ever talked about was his future career in the NFL. I know I shouldn’t feel good about it but I do. I was happy that the man who took so much from me had lost the most important thing in the world to him! He was the reason I found the idea of a man touching me repulsive. He was the reason I barely trusted anyone. He was the reason I lost the only man who ever loved me. Maybe now he could feel some of my pain.

***~~~***

“Man that’s horrible about Ronnie. In spite of him being a total dick I feel bad for him”, I say to Lamar. Even after all the crap Ronnie put me through I felt the need to pray for him.

“Please”, Lamar snorts as he typed away on the computer. “He doesn’t deserve your sympathy.”

“I’m going to email this to Marva.”

My head snaps up at the mention of that name. I hadn’t heard it in so long I forgot what it had sounded like.

“You have her email?” I mentally kick myself for even wanting to know.

“Yeah. You want it? She’d be surprised to hear from you?”

“No thanks”, I say quickly. I jump up from the couch and go to grab my jacket.

“You sure you don’t want to come to the movies with me and Samantha?” I ask as I make my way to the door.

Lamar quickly shakes his head before I make my way outside.