Makka (Waiting For Love).
“Here we are?” Mom says as we pull in front of the dormitory building that will be my new home.
The big bright smile she wears plays on her already luminescent face.
“Are you ready?”
I take a deep breath before answering. “Yup. I’m been waiting for this all summer.”
I get out of the car to help Mom unload my boxes and bags out of the trunk of the car.
It takes us a couple of hours to get all of my belongings to my dorm which unfortunately is on the fifth floor.
“Let’s have dinner”, Mom says tiredly. “There’s this nice Indian restaurant a few blocks up the street. “
“Okay.” I nod my enthusiastically.
The Indian restaurant is a nice small buffet
that sells mostly delicious vegetarian food. Mom and me take a table
towards the back where there is less noise. It seems as if a lot of
freshman and their parents decided to dine here as well.
“I am so proud of you Rick. You have no idea.”
“Thanks Mom”, I say as I bite into a warm samosa.
“You were the perfect kid. You never gave me
any trouble and you were always respectful. You always handled yourself
well even when we lost your Dad. And I just want you to know that I
thank God every day, because I could have never asked for a better son.”
Mom was slightly tearing up now. I had to bend my head down so she couldn’t see the small tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Mom, I just wanted to be strong for you,” I whisper.
“And you were. You’re Dad would be so proud…,” Mom says her voice slightly hitching.
I look up at Mom and meet her eyes. They are
warm and loving. A peace that I haven’t seen for years embodies them. I
reach my hand for hers across the table and rest it atop hers. She
places her other hand atop mine and squeezes gently. We smile at each
other for a few minutes, putting our hard past behind us and promising
with our eyes to continue to move forward.
“Well”, Mom says as she pulls her hands away
from mine to grab a napkin to dry her eyes. “This is supposed to be to a
joyous event, not a cry fest.”
“You’re right. Let’s enjoy the rest of our time together on a happier note,” I laugh, as Mom laughs too.
We spend the rest of the evening doing just
that. As Mom drives away in the car later that night, I wave goodbye
until she is out sight.
When I open the door to my dorm room, I holt in my tracks as I see the person sitting in the bed across from mine.
“Lamar Grimes?!” I can’t help the surprised and confused expression that crosses my face.
“Rick Collins”, Lamar says matter-of-factly rising up from his bed. “What are the odds of this pairing?”
“No idea”, I answer as I begin to make my way into the dorm. “I had no idea you got accepted to Penn.”
“Ditto, man”, Lamar says coolly.
It’s not like I have a particular problem with
Lamar. Actually as far as I can remember he’s never messed with me. Even
when Ronnie and his friends, including Ashton Collingsworth antagonized
me, Lamar never took part in any of it. Either he wasn’t around when it
happened or if he was around he took no part. But Lamar being in the
same room with me brought back memories I had pushed away over the
summer. Lamar was reminder of my past at Central Bucks and Central Bucks
was a reminder of Marva. The new life I had committed to starting
seemed now to be crumbling apart.
“Look man, I know you and I may have some bad blood between us, however, indirect it may be”, Lamar says as if reading my mind.
“But honestly, high school is world away now.
So how but we just start anew, as if we’ve never even met before?” Lamar
extends his hand to mine and I hesitantly shake it.
Maybe things will be okay, I think to myself.
***~~~***
As fall semester rolls into full effect, Lamar
and me get along like old friends. I think we are both surprised by our
friendship in college given the fact that we never even spoke to each
other in high school. I have come to learn that Lamar is the
down-to-earth, humble guy I never expected him to be. Our dorm room
talks revealed that the only reason why he hung out with the ‘popular’
kids at school was because he felt he had to given his varsity status.
He thought Ronnie was a cool dude at times but
could be a real asshole most of the time. He told me he ripped Ronnie a
new butthole when Ronnie told him that he beat me up in the boy’s locker
room.
“If I had known Ronnie was gonna pull that
shit. I would have whooped his ass myself,” Lamar had said in his
trademark laid back manner.
One night after coming back from a UP football game, I asked Lamar if he missed playing football.
“Hell No!” he exclaimed. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“The only reason why I joined the team in high
school was because my Dad always wanted me to play varsity. I joined but
I made it clear that when I got to college I wasn’t doing it anymore.”
Lamar lowered his voice a little as if he was worried someone would overhear him.
“I secretly love plants. I’ve been gardening
with my Mom since I was five. Hence, the biology major I want to become a
botanist when I graduate.”
“Man, if you ever told anyone at school that,
you would’ve been sitting at the dork table with me and my friends”, I
had laughed.
Lamar even told me that the only reason he had went out with Amber Connelly was because she kept pushing herself at him.
“So you’re saying you never wanted her?” I asked curiously.
“Not initially, I mean I warmed up to her after
we started dating. But I felt like the only reason she wanted to go out
with me was because Ronnie and Ashton had their eyes on other girls. I
guess I was the third go to guy for her.”
“So are you and Amber still together?” I asked quizzically.
“Nope!” Lamar said with no remorse. “Me and
that girl broke up a month after graduation. I couldn’t take her shit
anymore. And especially what she did to Marva just fucked me up.”
I had immediately found myself interested. “What did she do to Marva?” I mentally shunned for myself for even caring.
“You don’t want to know man,” Lamar said quickly before changing the subject.
I had briefly wondered if the reason Marva had
been ringing my bell at midnight on prom night was the reason of
whatever Amber had done to her. I pondered on it for a minute before
turning my attention to what Lamar had changed the subject on.
***~~~***
As I made my way out of Professor Newman’s composition class I hear someone calling my name.
“Rick! Rick Collins!”
I turn around to see Samantha Murphy walking
fast to catch up with me. Samantha is an undergraduate teaching
assistant in my composition class. A sophomore, Samantha is an inspiring
professor, who obviously wants Professor Newman’s job. Her long, blonde
hair flaps around her as she quickly makes herself over to me.
“Hey”, Samantha breathes heavily. “I read over the paper you turned in Tuesday and I have to say it’s one of the best I’ve read.
“Thanks”, I say appreciatively.
“You’re welcome. So where are you headed?” Samantha asks eagerly.
“Actually, I’m on my way to study hall. Would you like to join me?”
“Sure.”
As me and Samantha sit in study hall we talk casually over cups of coffee.
“Your paper was excellent. I mean really. Most
freshman need a lot of work, but your paper was so fluid and cogent. You
really presented your points well. Where did you learn to write like
that?”
“I don’t know. I just write a lot that’s all. It’s not like I’m the best grammarian.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Yeah, but your structure was so good. Professor Newman was impressed and it takes a lot to impress him, trust me I know!”
I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t used to receiving such great compliments on my writing, not since Marva anyway.
“You should consider becoming a tutor at the Writing Center,” Samantha says with confidence.
“I don’t know…” I hesitate.
“You’ll be great. Just pull out an awesome
grade in Newman’s class and put your application in at the end of the
school year and you’ll be shoe in.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
“You should,” Samantha states.
We drink more of our coffee and get up to get some scones from the snack counter before sitting back down at our table.
“So where are you originally from?” I ask.
“I’m originally from Jersey, Cherry Hill to be exact. And you?”
“I’m from this area. It was either Columbia, my dream school, or UP because it was close to my Mom.
“Awww. That’s so sweet of you.” Samantha says admiringly.
“Well, I’d do anything for her.”
Samantha nods her head in understanding. “For
me it was Rutgers, UP, or MIT. I picked UP because…I don’t know, there
was just a connection when I came to visit here. A connection I couldn’t
shake.”
“Do you think you made the right choice?”
Samantha smiles very brightly, showing off perfectly white straight teeth. “Yeah, I think I did.”
“So are you really trying to take Professor Newman’s job?” I ask comically.
“Not right now. But maybe after I get my doctorate in English”, Samantha laughs.
I look quickly at my watch and realize that it’s time for my next class.
“Well it’s time for me to go. Catch you later.”
“Bye, see you in class Tuesday.” Samantha waves to me as I walk away.
***~~~***
“What the hell is this?” I ask as when Lamar shoves a flyer in my face as I lay on my bed.
“The party of the semester, man. Hot chicks, hot music, hot drinks. You and I are going!”Lamar says with finality.
“I didn’t agree to that! And I don’t have time for a party, I have to study.” I say seriously.
Lamar has been trying his hardest to get me to
go to one of the numerous college parties on campus. I’ve always
declined. Not just because I have to study, but because the party thing
really isn’t my scene.
“Come on Rick”, Lamar chastised. “You got to
get out of this room and have some fun. You’re supposed to have fun
during your college years too.”
“I know that”, I reply hesitantly.
“Just this once then, if you don’t like it I won’t ask you to go to another party again.”
Determined to finally shut Lamar up about the parties I reluctantly give in.
“Fine”, I sigh.
“Cool.” Lamar says grabbing his basketball as he heads out the door. “Be ready by 11. Me and the boys will come pick up.”
“Okay,” I shake my head quickly.
I look through my closet for something to wear.
My wardrobe is really casual. I never even shopped for my clothes, my
Mom did. I finally decide on a polo shirt with jeans. That’s the best I
can come up with.
At around 11, Lamar and his friends pick me up.
We all drive in Craig’s beat up Toyota. Craig is one of Lamar’s study
partners. He reminds of Carl, really laid back and passive. My mind
drifts to Carl as we drive to the party. Carl went to NYU to study
music. The last time I talked to him he said his first semester was
hectic but he had met this really cool Latina, who had him head over
heels. That had to be the first time I’ve known Carl to have a
girlfriend.
As we pull up to the house we see dozens of people who are dancing and drinking out on the front lawn.
“Looks like the whole freshman class came out”, Craig jokes.
As we walk inside Lamar stops to greet many people he knows. Even in college Lamar is popular as hell.
I try to get a little comfortable in the scene.
Separating from Lamar a little, I’d hate to tag along wherever he went.
I make my way over to the house’s living room, where most people are
chatting idly with one another. I go to sit on the green loveseat when I
hear a familiar voice.
“Hey there Rick.”
I look up into the face of Samantha. My stomach
involuntarily flutters at how good she looks. She is wearing a black
knit sweater and her long, shapely legs are wrapped in black leggings.
Her blonde hair is pinned up in a messy bun and it shows off the
contours of her face.
“H-hey, Samantha”, I stutter. What’s wrong with me?
“When I first saw you I had to look twice. You don’t seem like the guy who would be here.”
“I could say the same about you”, I respond softly.
“My friend dragged me here.” Samantha says sheepishly.
“Mine too”, I smirk.
Samantha laughs lightly as she sits across from me.
“To be honest, I hate these things. Their full of average people pretending they’re cool”, Samantha snorted.
“True”, I chuckle.
“I can’t believe I let my friend, Jade talk me into wearing this outfit”, Samantha says shifting uncomfortably in her seat.
“You look nice”, I say softly.
Samantha looks at me with shy eyes. Something briefly twinkles in her eyes.
“Thank you”. She says shyly.
There is an uncomfortable silence between us
for several minutes. I turn my gaze to the dance floor to see Lamar
dancing provocatively with cute black girl.
“Hey do you want to dance”, I say trying to lighten the mood.
“I-I don’t know how to dance”, Samantha says nervously.
“Neither do I”, I smile. I extend my hand to
her and she takes it hesitantly before smiling brightly and showcasing
those gorgeous teeth.
We make our way slowly to the dance floor while
a Beyonce songs blasts loudly through the house. I instinctively wrap
my arms around her waist as she tentatively wraps her arms around my
neck. Samantha begins to sway her hips seductively and as we dance
closer I feel her thigh brush up against my crotch. My breath hitches as
I pull her closer towards me.
“You lied”, I say.
“What?” Samantha asks confused.
“You said you couldn’t dance. But you’ve got pretty good rhythm.”
Samantha throws her head back to laugh. A laugh that makes my skin tingle.
“You’re not too bad yourself”, Samantha winks mischievously.
We dance a few more songs before heading into the kitchen.
“This party is so lame”, Samantha says sipping on her Sprite.
“Yeah, but my boys seem to be having a pretty good”, I say motioning to Lamar and the guys dancing with some sorority chicks.
“Let’s ditch this place”, Samantha states.
“And go where?” I inquire.
“My place, I got some good movies we can watch.”
“Sure”, I say without much thought.
As we make our way to the door Lamar calls out to me.
“Rick, where you going man?”
“Over my friend’s house.”
Lamar glances at Samantha before nodding, “All right see ya man.”
“How far do you live?” I ask as we make our way down the chilly night street.
“About five blocks away. I live in an apartment complex”, Samantha states.
As we enter Samantha’s apartment I am greeted
by a comfortable looking living room with a flat panel TV and big
plushy-looking couch.
“My roommates are still out, probably back at the party”, Samantha says making her way over to the TV.
“Anything in particular you want to watch. I’ve got plenty of movies.”
“Whatever you want is fine.”
Samantha decides on “Black Swan” with Natalie
Portman. We sit through the movie pretty much silent neither of us able
to pull our eyes away from the screen.
“Wow, she was crazy”, I say in amazement as the credits begin to roll.
“She sure was”, Samantha agrees. “When I first watched it, it totally creeped me out.”
“Especially, the part when she’s pulling the feathers out of her shoulder”, I add.
“Yeah that was gross”, Samantha chuckles. “So what do you want to do now?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Can I ask you question?” Samantha asks.
“Sure.”
“What inspires your writing?”
“I don’t know”, I shrug. “A lot of things; family, friends, hardships, love.”
“Love? Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I always try to avoid writing about love, it’s terribly cliché. At least that’s what I think”, Samantha says matter-of-factly.
“I can agree with that. When you tell students nowadays to write a poem they automatically write a ‘love’ poem.”
“Exactly”, Samantha nods vigorously. “I
remember last year Professor Newman told us to write an essay about
emotions. I chose anger because that’s an emotion most people like to
pretend doesn’t exist. Well, about a week after we turned in our essays,
Professor Newman singles me out in the class for ‘not being cliché like
the rest of the class and being daring’. I was so proud and
embarrassed. But I think that’s one of the reasons he chose me as his
teaching assistant. He’s knows I look to those who go against the
grain.”
“Do you think I go against the grain?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“Of course, you not like most people. You’re honest”, Samantha says bluntly.
“How can you be so sure?”
“I can see it in your eyes”, Samantha replies barely above a whisper.
“Thanks”, I softly reply.
I look at Samantha and her eyes seem to pull me
in. I smile at her and she smiles back at me shyly. Before I can stop
myself I find myself leaning towards her. Samantha doesn’t need any
coaxing as she does the same. In seconds our lips touch lightly. I slip
my tongue into hers without hesitation. Samantha wraps her arms around
my neck and before I can stop to think I gently lift her up off the
couch with me. She wraps her legs around me as I walk us quickly to her
bedroom not knowing where I’m going.
“Bedroom’s second on the right”, Samantha gasps as she slightly pulls her lips from mine.
I kick the door open and fall on top of Samantha on her bed. She runs her hands through my hair as I gently massage her breath.
“Do you have condoms?” Samantha asks breaking the kiss again.
I stop immediately as an embarrassed expression creeps on my face.
“N-no”, I stutter. “I’ve never done this before.”
Samantha arches her eyebrow and I feel a queasiness in my stomach.
“You mean you’re a virgin?” Samantha asks surprised.
I nod my head.
“Oh. Well there are some condoms in my top drawer. We can use those.”
“You still want me?” I ask.
“Of course”, Samantha says stroking my face. “Just follow my lead. You’ll be fine.”
I grab a few of the condoms from Samantha’s
drawer. After I undress myself and Samantha, I sheath myself with a
condom. I crawl on top of Samantha, who looks up at me with lust filled
eyes.
“Just relax, baby”, she says wrapping her legs around my waist.
I do relax as I thrust into her making us both moan out in unison.
I wake to light gently streaming in through the
window. I turn to my head to find Samantha sleeping peacefully next to
me. I gently stroke her face, but something just feels off. This thing
with Samantha just doesn’t feel right, it’s like everything was acted on
impulse. I don’t know what came over me last night. I never slept with a
girl before or slept over one’s house. Samantha’s eyes slowly open as I
continue to gently stroke her face.
“Good morning”, she says groggily.
“Good morning”, I whisper.
“You want some breakfast?” Samantha asks.
“Actually, I should probably get going. I didn’t want to leave before you woke up.”
“How considerate of you”, Samantha says with a hint of sarcasm.
“No. It’s not like that. I’m just not ready for a relationship, that’s all”, I clarify.
“Neither am I, Rick. We’re friends I’m not trying to jump into a relationship with you.”
“Okay”, I say relieved.
“Now let’s get some breakfast. I make some mean pancakes.”
Samantha chuckles as I shove more pancakes into my mouth. “I’ll take you eating like a pig as a sign my pancakes are awesome.”
“They’re really good”, I mumble behind a mouthful of pancakes.
“So who was she?” Samantha asks nonchalantly.
“What?” I ask confused.
“Who’s Marva? You moaned her name when you came last night.”
“OH MY GOD! Samantha I am sooo sorry”, I exclaim dropping my fork. I didn’t remember moaning Marva’s name, just Samantha’s.
“Rick, it’s okay. We’re not together remember?” Samantha says dismissively. “And you only said it once it was really soft.”
I shake my head in disbelief. Here I was having
sex with a girl and I moan out another girl’s name. Even though
Samantha didn’t think much of it I still felt like the biggest jerk in
the world!
“So who was she?” Samantha asks again.
“A girl I went out with in senior year. I
thought she cared about me until I found out she was just using me. She
was popular I was a nerd, so she broke up with me. End of story”, I
sigh.
“Wow. So is she the love that inspires your writing?”
“Yes, she’s the love and some of the pain.”
“I had a boyfriend like that. He was a nobody
when I dated him. But then he starts working out and reading GQ and over
the summer he turns into Clive Owen. He broke up with me as soon as
this popular chick told him to take her out on a date.
I couldn’t believe it. I had dated this boy
since middle school when he had horrible acne and was a scrawny shrimp.
And he ditches me like trash. It was mind blowing!”
“I wanted to love her. But she wouldn’t let me.
I try to push her out of my mind as best I can. But I guess I’m still
in love with her.”
“And that’s okay Rick. It takes time to get
over those we love. They say it takes twice as long to fall out of love
with someone as it did to fall in love with them.”
“Ugh”, I groan. “That’s going to take forever. I’m been in love with her since I was a toddler.”
“Whoa dude. You had it bad!”Samantha chuckles.
“Tell me about it”, I laugh.
“Well, we’ll just have to keep you preoccupied.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“How about a poetry slam later tonight?”
“Awesome.”
“And maybe a little TLC much later tonight?” Samantha purrs.
“Even better”, I say gazing into her eyes.
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