My stomach twists and turns as I make my way over to the main hall at school. The decisions for our new spring play “Rio” have been put up today. I’m in my fourth year at DIOP and since I’ve been here I have never had any role better than a backup dancer in our seasonal plays. I know Ms. Jilson is one of the main causes of that. It seems as each year goes by she dislikes me more and more. She doesn’t disrespect me; she just ignores more each passing year.
There
is a large crowd of students surrounding the large wall by the main office. I
eagerly make my way through the crowd so I can see what became of my stellar
audition. I had worked my ass off for weeks to make sure I got everything
right. I wasn’t even nervous when my time came to perform; I was too excited to
show off how well I had perfected my craft. My audition got a standing ovation
from my teachers, who served as judges. Everyone applauded my effort and
commended me on my perfect execution of the Brazilian inspired dance moves that
the play was centered on. Thankfully Ms. Jilson wasn’t one of this year’s
judges because she would have found some way to downplay my performance.
“Excuse
me can I get through”, I say to other hopeful students who are desperately
searching for their name on the cast list.
I
hear squeals and sighs from the lucky and unlucky. But it’s all background
noise as I eagerly look for my name. When I finally find it, it’s near the top
of the list. I hold my breath as I realize I was given the role of ‘Maria’, a
priest’s secret daughter who refuses to become a nun. It’s a supporting role
but an essential one. I can’t help the smile that slowly creeps on my face. I’m
not ecstatic, just happy.
“Marva!
Marva!” I hear a voice call from behind me. I turn around quickly and notice
the tall, lean man that’s my boyfriend.
I
make my way out of the crowd as I move closer to him. Before I can even get any
words out, he scoops me up in his arms holding me tightly.
“How
did you do babe?” Tim asks.
“You
first”, I respond.
“Do
you even have to ask? Backup again” he shrugs.
I
know that Tim doesn’t really care about his part. He was more of teacher as
opposed to a performer.
“I
got ‘Maria’”, I say smiling from ear to ear. I love the feel of being in his
arms, the feel of being loved.
“What?
No way! You should have gotten the lead! You had the best performance of
anybody”, he exclaims with a deep frown on his face.
“It’s
okay baby. I…”
I
didn’t even get to finish as I hear a loud scream. Me and Tim both look up to
see Priscilla Anderson jumping up and down with a group of her friends.
“I
got it! I got it! I knew I would!” Priscilla jumps around ecstatically.
Tim
and I both groan as he sets me down on my feet. Priscilla Anderson was the top
dance student at DIOP. She had made the lead in every play for the past two
years. No one really had a chance against her, she was just that good and the facts
that she was all the dance teachers dream student didn’t help either. I
respected her craft, she was exceptional, but I just didn’t like her as a
person. It was nothing personal, she just reminded me too much of my old self:
haughty, selfish, and rude. They say you never realize how bad your actions are
until you see them acted out by another person. Being around Priscilla for the
past four years made me wonder how anyone could stand me back in high school.
“Well
once again DIOP’s favorite comes out on top”, Tim sarcastically scoffs.
“I
don’t care”, I say smiling again. “I’m almost finished here and I’ll be leaving
with a bachelor’s in dance education. I’ve gotten the most out of DIOP
and that’s what matters the most to me.”
Tim
looks down at me and smiles before bringing his lips to mine. We kiss softly
for a few moments before he pulls away.
“I’m
taking you out to dinner to celebrate”, he smiles.
If
it’s possible my smile grows even wider.
***~~~***
I
met Tim Jenkins in my junior year. I had seen him around and knew he was a
dance education major too, but I had never spoken to him. It wasn’t until we
were paired together in Ballet that we became friends. Tim was my first real
male friend and friend period in years. I liked that I could talk to him
without feeling like his ulterior motive was to get in my pants. We became very
close throughout my junior year and would sometimes hang out around
Philadelphia. I was still pretty much a loner but Tim was the first person I
really allowed myself to be comfortable with. Maybe it was his gentle chocolate
eyes that put me at ease.
During
summer break I went back home to visit my family. I loved seeing Mom and Dad,
and little Josie, who was almost four. Being with my family was great but in
reality all I thought about most days was making sure I talked to Tim. And in a
way I felt that’s what he thought about too. He was the first to admit that our
relationship had evolved past friendship and one summer day we decided to start
dating.
I
don’t know what really attracted me to Tim. He was pretty nice looking, with
smooth dark chocolate skin and a long lean body. But looks didn’t really do
much for me anymore. He didn’t really stand out in many things, he was just
average. From school, to sports, to activities he was just a normal guy. But I
think it was his honesty and genuine interest in me that played a part in my
attraction, plus the fact that I hadn’t had a satisfying male relationship
since Rick.
We
only had one problem, our relationship had been going on for a good six months
and we still hadn’t been intimate. That wasn’t a problem for me; I didn’t want
to move too fast. But for Tim it was something that had been bugging him.
As
I sit on Tim’s couch I can’t deny the pleasure that Tim’s smooth lips cause as
they caress my neck. We were watching some cheesy movie on Lifetime that caused
Tim to focus his attention on me.
“Your
skin is so smooth baby”, Tim purrs as I tilt my neck to allow him more access.
Tim
wraps his arms tightly around my waist as he begins to suck gently on my neck.
“Tim
let’s watch the movie”, I say in spite of myself. Even though I’m enjoying our
play I still don’t want it to go too far.
“Marva,
baby. We’ve been waiting so long”, Tim pleads as he pulls away from my neck to
look at me.
I
know Tim wanted it and if I were honest with myself I couldn’t pretend I didn’t
fantasize about it either. But I was just so hesitant that it would be a hasty
move. I didn’t want to ruin something that was going so well all because of our
hormones.
“Tim
I don’t want us to move too fast. I don’t want us to mess this up”, I say
softly.
“Marva,
I know you’re hesitant. But trust me baby. You can’t deny you don’t want this
too.”
I
looked away from him because I couldn’t counter his argument, he was right.
“I
will never do anything to hurt you Marva. Let me make love to you baby”, Tim
whispers.
“Okay”,
I sigh as Tim lowers his lips back to my neck for a few soft kisses.
He
gently begins to remove my clothing and lays me back on the sofa. As he stands
up and removes his body I marvel at his physique. My eyes make their way down
his body until they rest on his cock. It’s long but not too thick and it stands
proudly as Tim makes his way over me. I hadn’t seen a cock in so long, not
since…
The
thought of that awful night comes racing back to my mind. All of a sudden
instead of Tim’s cock, I see Ronnie’s red angry one. In fact instead of Tim, I
see Ronnie all together! As Ronnie lowers on to me, I thrash and kick.
“NO!”
I scream.
I
fight as hard as I can to get him off of me. Something inside me gathers all my
strength and as hard as possible I throw Ronnie off of me. Ronnie hits the
floor with a loud thud and I run to the bathroom. I slam the door as I hear
Ronnie call after me. I break down into tears because I know he’s making his
way to the bathroom. A loud bang sounds on the door and I back up towards the
sink.
“Marva!
Baby, what’s wrong? What did I do wrong?”
I
realize that the voice isn’t the cold one of Ronnie’s, but the caring one of
Tim’s. Hesitantly, I walk to the door and open it slowly. There stands Tim,
naked but with the most concerned and scared look on his face.
“Marva,
tell me what’s wrong”, he pleads.
I
can’t say anything I just collapse into his arms in tears.
***~~~***
On
a cool Saturday evening, I enter an old building that sits in plain view in a
quiet section of Philadelphia. Even though the building is the largest on the
block, it seems to be the most ignored. No one looks at it as they walk by and
no one comes in or out of the building.
The
lobby is a dull white corridor with walls that haven’t been painted in years. A
small desk sits in the otherwise deserted hall, with a bored looking, middle aged,
Italian man sitting behind it.
“How
you doin’? You hear for the survivors group?” The man asks before I can even
open my mouth.
“Yes”,
I answer incredulously. “How did you know?”
“Ma’am,
I’ve been working in this building for thirty years. I know what someone is
looking for in here before they even walk up to this desk.”
“That’s
amazing”, I say as the man sports a self-satisfied smirk.
“Take
the elevator to the second floor. Room 201”, he says.
“Thank
you.”
When
I open the door to room 201, I see a group of about ten women sitting in a
circle. They all turn and look up at me, but a small brunette woman is the
first one to speak.
“Hello,
are you here for the rape survivors group?”
“Yes”,
I say quietly.
“Well
come have a seat. I’m Joanna by the way. And you are?”
“Marva.
It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice
to meet you as well”, she answers with a warm smile.
“Well
let’s get started. Why don’t we all introduce ourselves? State your name, why
you’re here, and what you wish to achieve by being here.”
Each
woman began to introduce herself and tell her story. When it finally came time
for me I couldn’t help feel a knot in my stomach as I began to speak.
“Hi,
I’m Marva. I’m here because about five years ago I was almost raped by my prom
date. It didn’t go as far as it could have, but it really scarred me. I didn’t
realize the extent of the damage it caused until I tried being intimate with my
current boyfriend. I couldn’t do it! It just reminded of that awful night with
that awful guy!”
I
was getting emotional now and I pause to take a deep breath before I went on.
Some of the women around me gave encouraging words as I try to continue my
story.
“Take
your time sister. Take your time”, the young Latina sitting next to me says.
“My
boyfriend told me about this group and suggested that I go for emotional
support. I want to be able to move forward from that experience. I want to free
myself from the confines it has on my love and sex life. I can’t let it hold me
back any longer.”
The
women around me began to clap loudly.
“That
was very good Marva”, Joanna says softly. “We look forward to having you with
us. Thank you for allowing us to join your healing process.”
Joanna
began to talk about forgiveness and coming to terms with our experiences. I was
happy to finally have someone to share with. What Ronnie had done to me was
indescribable and something I thought would go away if I shut it out of my
mind. But now I saw I really had to come to terms with what he had done and
finally move on. My future was so bright and this group was going to help me
make it shine even more.
***~~~***
I study the red and white floral cover of the book in my hands.
I study the red and white floral cover of the book in my hands.
“So
how do you like the cover?” Samantha asks smiling brightly. “I think the
illustrator did a pretty damn good job.”
Me
and Samantha are sitting in quaint little tea shop on a rainy day. Samantha who
is now my publishing agent just revealed the cover of my first novel ‘She Is…:
The Search For the Ideal Woman’
“I
like it. I think it fits the book perfectly. Let’s go with it”, I exclaim.
“Will
do”, Samantha replies as she takes a small sip of hot tea.
“I
can’t believe it. I’m finally a published author. It just took a whole year
after graduating college to finally do it”, I snort.
“Rick,
please. You wrote a remarkable book, most authors would’ve killed to have
written, in one year. I mean this is a sure bestseller. You wait and see”,
Samantha encourages.
“I
sure hope so. Those student loans are starting to cloud over my head”, I say
shaking my head.
“Well,
you have one of the best agents at Wesley Hill publishing on your team. You
have nothing to worry about.”
I
can’t help but laugh at Samantha’s boastfulness. But she had a point. Samantha
graduated a year before me and wasn’t out of school two weeks before she found
a job. She had long ago given up her dream of being an English professor after
she interned at a publishing company in her junior year. The idea of finding
and producing literary talent, not to mention the prospect of a six figure
income was all Samantha needed to hear. Samantha excelled at Wesley in a short
matter of time. In her two years there she was already the agent behind five
‘New York Times’ bestsellers.
By
the time I had graduated Samantha was already begging me to join her at Wesley
Hill. She promised that she would personally work with me “to make sure the
world knew the writings of Rick Collins” she had boasted. Seeing as that I
didn’t have any other job offers and no one was particularly banging down my
door, I took her up on her offer. Now here I sat nearly a year later with my
first novel about to hit the shelves and a nationwide book tour underway.
“Didn’t
I tell you if you wrote about your pain something good would come from it?” she
asked matter-of-factly.
“Yeah,
you did. But only time will tell in the long run”.
Samantha’s
phone went off just as we had started eating again.
“Hello”,
she answers.
“Yeah.
I’ll be home in a little bit baby…okay…okay…love you too…bye.”
“Well
I gotta run.” Samantha downs the rest of her tea before she begins to gather
her things.
“Was
that Lamar?” I ask biting into my scone.
“Yeah.
I’ll see you later okay. I’ll call you tomorrow once everything is finalized.”
I
reluctantly hand my book back to Samantha as she makes her way out the tea
shop.
I
smile to myself at the two love birds- Samantha and Lamar. Me and Samantha had
long since stopped sleeping together, when in my junior year I had come home to
the apartment I shared with Lamar to find Samantha and him getting it on on our
couch. It was a pretty awkward moment with all of us not really knowing what to
look at or say. I assured them that I didn’t mind and left so they could finish
their rendezvous. I had never had any feelings for Samantha beyond the friend
zone so I really found the whole thing quite comical.
I
continue to drink my tea as I think about how in love the two of them are. I
just pray I can find the same happiness and fulfillment as them.
***~~~***
“Oh
Rick! Oh Baby!”
I
continually pump harder and faster into the hot red head who is lying beneath
me. She feels so amazing and her scent is deeply intoxicating.
“You
like that Terri? Hmmm?” I ask her huskily.
“Y-yeah!
God Yes!” she cries loudly. Her pussy starts to contract and in a matter of
moments I feel her tremble beneath me as her orgasm takes her.
I
close my eyes and let out a loud groan as I cum into the condom. Exhausted I
roll off of Terri and lie on my back breathing heavily.
Terri
is a girl I met at a bar about a year or so ago. We’ve only been dating for
about seven months. It’s nothing romantic really, just sex and dates. Don’t get
me wrong Terri is a beautiful girl but she isn’t someone I could fall in love
with.
“Rick
that was awesome, babe”, she says softly as she rests her head on my chest.
I
kiss her lips softly and she giggles as I lightly tickle her tummy.
“Guess
what?” I ask.
“What?”
she smiles.
“Samantha
showed off the book cover to me this afternoon. It’s great.”
“Well
about time. Is it almost done?”
“Just
a few more things to finalize and when it hits the shelves, I’ll hit the road
on a book tour.”
“A
book tour?” Terri pulls away from me with a confused look on her face.
“Yeah,
I have to go on a book tour so people will know about my book, baby”
“But
that means we’ll be apart”, Terri frowns.
In
all the months I’ve known her, Terri never really showed that she desired my
company all that much.
“It
won’t be for long, I promise”, I counter.
“Rick,
no offense. But I think you might want to reconsider this whole book writing
thing. I mean don’t you think you should find a real job with real money”, she
chides.
“Excuse
me? I’ll have you know that writing is my life and the only thing I want to do.
It’s my dream for God sakes”, I say getting irritated.
“Yeah
but it’s not bringing in any money. I mean I like Olive Garden and all, but
really it would be nice to eat somewhere more upscale for a change. You need to
realize that your ‘dream’ is something that should really be just a hobby.”
I
quickly snatch away from her in disgust. Getting the message Terri jumps up
from the bed and begins looking for her clothes.
“When
I met you, you told me you had a publishing deal. I thought you were already a
successful author”, she snorts while looking for her clothes.
I
angrily get up from the bed and walk over to her.
“So
you thought you were snagging a guy with some money? You know what? Why don’t
you just go, I see this isn’t going to work out! Don’t bother coming over
again!”
“I
won’t”, she nastily replies as she gathers her things and leaves. I hear her slam
the front door behind her.
I
kick the bed post hard and hurt my toe pretty bad in the process.
“Goddamit!”
I
sit down on the bed and rub my sore foot.
‘Amazing!’
I think as I replay the argument and breakup with Terri in my mind. That had
totally come out of left field. I was never really attached to her anyway.
Hell, who was I kidding? I hadn’t been attached to anyone since Marva Mallory.
I
shake my head in disgust. When was I going to find my ideal woman? I had just
written a novel about a man who did! When was I going to find my future wife
and mother of my children? Who knew? But it sure as hell didn’t seem like it
was going to be anytime soon.
I love this story, update soon.
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